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What If?

What if you hadn’t eaten for 24 hours – skipping all meals the day before and breakfast that morning. Your stomach was now twisted in such knots of hunger that you couldn’t focus on anything. The simplest task felt like a struggle, and engaging properly in discussion seemed impossible . . .

What if you were woken up in the middle of the night and completely startled out of bed by flashing lights and the blares of sirens. You watched in utter horror as police stormed in, arresting one of your family members. You have no idea why or if you were ever going to see them again . . .

What if a close family member had recently committed suicide. The grief was so overwhelming that you wanted to stay close to your other family members most of the time, to ensure they too were safe and out of harm’s way . . .

In any of those scenarios above, if you arrived at your workplace that morning. How would you feel in yourself and how comfortable would you feel divulging such personal and intimidate details to your manager or colleagues?

… now imagine that you are an 8 year-old boy who has just arrived at school that morning.

The examples I have highlighted above may seem like quite extreme examples, but having conducted research with thousands of disadvantaged boys and students alike, sadly these examples have been taken from stories that I know to be true.

Now, here is the crux of the point I am trying to make….what if on top of that you were then told that crying was a sign of weakness, to toughen up and ‘get over it’, you never really seem that bothered about your work and you will never achieve ‘xx’ so you should just give up now. Our boys are suffering, and it is happening in plain sight.

The tropes and gendered stereotypes of ‘manhood’ are still alive and kicking in 2024 and it is doing real harm, particularly for disadvantaged boys.

Sections:

So, what do we know?

Dr Alex Blower is a staunch advocate for disadvantaged boys, or what can also be known as boys on free school meals (FSM) and founder of Boys’ Impact. Alex highlights that across the country and indeed the rest of the world; boys with lower socioeconomic indices have significantly poorer attainment outcomes.

There is a significant gap when it comes to GCSE outcomes in particular, with disadvantaged boys on FSM achieving at nearly half the rate vs. the wider school population. This isn’t just limited to education, they also over index on suicide rates (the biggest killer of men), criminality and homelessness.

There is also the compounding effect of ethnicity and class to factor into the equation, and further hurdles that those from these diverse backgrounds may face.

The Elephant in the Room

Now, before I continue, I would like to address the proverbial ‘elephant in the room’ and that is women. When discussing groups that are most in need, there is sometimes a temptation to refer to another aligning group also in need and say ‘what about them’.

Addressing the outcomes of males, within the context of what feels to be a patriarchal society could be viewed as misguided at best and extremely contentious at worst. However, focusing on the issues of one group within society, does not diminish the issues that need to be addressed in another. Both can be true at the same time. Women also suffer in society, and often this is at the hands of men. The gender pay gap, the ‘Me Too’ movement and current spiralling rates of violence against women, to name but a few.

But we cannot simply ignore the continued poor outcomes of boys, because of structural patriarchal systems that have existed for many decades. It may actually be this position and belief that have led us to this current point. We must engage the topic of gender, and boys, but not at the expense of girls. It is my firm belief that working towards addressing the challenges boys are facing will be incredibly beneficial not only for girls, but society as a whole.

The Gendered Construct

Now, let’s talk about gender…we would like to think that we live in a modern world where the ideals and norms of what somebody should be/act or behave like because of their gender is not apparent.

However, that is not the case. Susan Morgan outlined, at the recent Boys’ Impact Conference, the social construction of what it means to be a man is continually reinforced and monitored by society. This starts from a very early age in boys and is carried through every aspect, including through to the classroom.

Susan highlighted the ‘deficit’ narrative surrounding young boys. The recent riots over summer (Aug 2024) showed young men to be ‘violent, uneducated thugs’. This feeds into the perpetual perspective in society that there is something inherently wrong with males from working class backgrounds – however, instead of asking ‘what’s wrong with young men?’ why don’t we flip the narrative and ask ‘what works best with this group?’ and ‘how can we engage them?’.

Teacher Ideals

At the same conference, Mark Roberts (Author of ‘Boys Don’t Try’) showed how harmful these tropes and stereotypes of boys can be when carried through to the classroom. Mark ran through the results of studies which showed that teachers generally expect different behaviours from boys vs. girls. Teachers expected boys to fail and generally had low expectations for boys in the classroom academically. Another study showed what teachers said in theory vs the behaviour displayed in classroom towards boys was very different. There was also the pervasive negative language surrounding boys, such as boys ‘don’t like reading or writing’ or they are a ‘pain’ to teach.

How is this affecting boys’ outcomes?… the Pygmalion Effect is a renowned psychological process whereby lower expectations of a person can lead to worsened outcomes – and the opposite to also be true in the same vein.

A negative self-fulfilling prophecy plays out in the classroom for boys. This is not to insinuate that teachers are consciously treating boys differently in the classroom, some of this may well be unconscious, subliminal in fact – that has subconsciously crept into the language used and false interpretations of behaviours exhibited by boys… a hidden poison that has seeped into the classroom. A ‘challenging’ young boy in the classroom, may well have hidden trauma that he is masking and feels unable to communicate effectively.

An active young boy, who is continually fidgeting in his chair could be written off as not caring about his education or work. Spoiler: of the tens of thousands of young men we have closely worked with, all of them cared about their future and had goals for where they wanted to end up.

The Disaffected “Modern Man”

‘People forget that boys feel too’ a poignant statement made by Shaun Flores, at the Boys’ Impact Conference. It is when they feel they can’t live up to the gendered constructs that they then begin to suffer. There are many false scripts of how a boy should behave and they are being continually reinforced in society.

There are many boys pretending to be something they are not and don’t feel understood or that they can talk to anybody. There is also the rhetoric that the only way young men can succeed in this day and age is by working to the absolute extreme. Shaun referred to this as ‘hustle porn’ – the belief perpetuated by harmful influencers that it is only in suffering that you learn the most. These ideals are damaging boys.

I also discuss this topic with Dr Alex Blower at great length, in our Student Outcomes Podcast episode. Alex outlined the polarising views and perceptions of young boys. On the far right there is the notion that ‘feminism has pushed men’s issues out’, and on the left is ‘young working-class men being engaged in education as though they’re perpetrators of all of these [negative patriarchal] acts in waiting, like…. they are already holding responsibility for those acts that they haven’t done and may never do’. Hence, they are marginalised in education and dealt with by referral to an alternative provision. A quote highlighted by Alex to summarise this scenario is that the ‘patriarchal societal structures …[are a] double-edged sword, this poisonous panacea, that puts them at an advantage in society, but at the same time it limits them and inhibits their growth’.

Within the context of this, is also the recalibrating of gender roles in society and the fluidity of the role of a man and woman. All of these wider conversations happening within a boy’s community, at school and in wider society leads to young men not knowing where they fit or what their specific role is – a distinct feeling of disconnectedness.

Tate – the symptom, not the cause?

It is with that feeling of disconcertedness does the doorway open for something to appease it. The rise of harmful influencers such as Andrew Tate and others belonging to the ‘Manosphere’ may not be the cause, but the symptom of a deeper issue within society.

The insidious nature of this epidemic is that you cannot simply tell young men how to think. Alex also points out that there are a confederacy of other actors within this space that are sharing and further embedding this viewpoint. Both Dr Alex Blower and Shaun Flores, advocate for a different method than simply shutting down the conversation as this elicits a doubling down of those very viewpoints.

Both believe that we need to understand why young men feel such an affinity to these viewpoints, and not to demonise young men, but to foster some critical thinking around the appeal of what these controversial figures represent. What lessons can we learn from this and what conversations do we need to be having with young boys? Shutting them down and telling them how to think only serves to further marginalise young men.

Connection and a Narrative of Hope

So what’s the answer?… and most importantly, is there an answer?….

In our Student Outcomes podcast episode with Dr Alex Blower – we discuss a multitude of strategies to remedy the current challenges faced by young boys on FSMs. Alex believes that countering the current rhetoric with a narrative of hope will truly cut through and connect with young boys. Supporting the whole young man, holding no judgement, and providing space for emotional expression will allow us to reconnect with our young boys. Let’s actively seek out the hidden strengths and untapped potentials of young men – let’s show them that we believe in them and their potential.

As we stand at the crossroads of education, gender, and societal expectation, we must ask ourselves: are we truly listening to the needs of our boys? The cost of ignoring their silent cries could be a generation lost to disengagement, disillusionment, and despair. By shifting our focus to a narrative of hope and connection, we offer not only a better way forward but the chance to reshape the future for all of our children— boys, girls, and society as a whole. The question isn’t just, “What do we do next?” but “How can we show them they matter now?”.

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